Kim Sung-hwan / College Student

I was a sophomore in college. After freshman orientation, I gradually developed  feelings for a younger student  at the college. Each of the girl’s actions was similar to that of  my ideal woman. The girl  also began to like me and we fell in love. We became famous in school as a lovely couple. Everywhere we went, we were always together. But after a while, the anguish began. It was because I joined the army.

Life in the army that was hell after breaking up with my girlfriend

When I joined the army, I wrote letters and phoned a lot. I received a hundred letters within five weeks of  enlisting, and I used to make phone calls for thirty minutes a day. We always seemed to be together. Gradually I began to cling to my girlfriend. Around March, the anxiety grew with the idea that my university was crowded with freshmen and old students who came back to school.

From one point, every time I called, I started to fight. My girlfriend grew tired, and at last we were separated. I wanted to hold on again, but I didn’t know what to do. Every single day of military life was like hell. On the one hand, there was lots of regrets that I should have been better to her. Then, after a while, I began to resent my girlfriend. “How dare you dumped me?” I criticized and hated women.

Since we haven’t seen each other for a while, our resentment gradually subsided and we met again before  my release from active duty. For awhile, we seemed to have traveled back in time, but over time, I remembered how harsh it was when we were far apart, so I became tough,lost my temper and got angry with my girlfriend. I couldn’t do well with my girlfriend, and we ended it and I didn’t contact her again.

I was so excited and obsessed with my girlfriend so I was in trouble

I found a mind training meditation center before I joined the army. I threw away the minds I had with my girlfriend. From the good things we had during our dates to the painful memories and feelings of being apart. Then I  realized why I was so sick after we broke up. It was because even though we had already broken up, I still held her in my mind. Her image remained in my mind.

I didn’t forget it when Ishould have , and I held it in my heart and dragged it around. I believed I was in love when I met, but it was just my obsession. I was just trying to fit this girl to my ideal type, and not  see her as she is. I had told her to lose weight if she was fat, and if I didn’t like the shape of her hair, I had forced her to change. I’ve never really loved her once.

It was because of my expectation that we had fought during my army duty. I wanted to rely on my girlfriend a lot due to my difficult military life, but my girlfriend also ran to me because she wanted to lean on me. When I threw away the good moments and the difficult stories, I felt at ease. I was relieved to think of any kind of moment.

Girlfriend is a mirror that reflects my heart

When we met again, we were in a very comfortable relationship. Before meditation, I was afraid to enter my girlfriend’s  social media page or read the letters we had exchanged in the past. Because when I saw her smiling and taking pictures with other people, I was sad to think that she was doing well without me, and even after looking at the old letters, I regret that we loved each other that much. I compared and had a hard time doing it. But now I can see it as it is without any mind.

It was amazing.  In a relationship, the most memorable thing would be the first meeting when everything was  exciting. I used to compare the memory of that time with the present time so strongly, and if it’s not the same as it was, then I complained But now it’s as pleasant as the first time we met. I feel as happy as if we met each other for the first time. When I do something for my girlfriend, I don’t expect any reward, and even I try to do better to her.

I used to think that love was “just looking at me,” but now I want to say that it’s “saving my partner as if I were saving myself .” I would like to ask you if you treat others with your heart. I want you to think about whether you listen to your parents as much as you do to your girlfriend, do you do your best to your neighbors, and are you  putting yourself in the other person’s shoes? That’s why my girlfriend is my mirror.


Source: www.meditationlife.org