Park Jun-ok / Grandmother
‘’There were a lot of times when I really didn’t want to live because my children and I endured a lot of suffering.” Park Jun-ok (84), was married at 16 and had two sons and two daughters. Her life was so difficult. She always had lifelong questions about why people were born, why we should live like this with pain, and where we go when we die. She wished she could know all the answers before dying. When she met this meditation at 72 years old, she found those answers. She said, “As much as I abandon my minds, I feel relieved.’’ The grudges in her heart had been resolved and also her lifelong questions had been answered. This is the story of Park Joon-ok, who says, she no longer has worries since she escaped from her false self.
At the age of 16, she was married and struggling, but also searching for the truth, “Why was I born?”
I was born in Uiseong, Gyeongbuk. I have never attended school. Adults at that time said women shouldn’t study. I really wanted to learn, but I wasn’t able to. I worked hard to help with the household chores and then married at 16. At that time all married couples were identical. I woke up at dawn every day and served the older family members, went out to the field to work all day long, and then came back home and started to cook for the family again. To me working wasn’t hard at all. Even though I was small, if I had to work all day long I just kept moving. I had to do more to make others feel comfortable. But the fact that my husband didn’t work at all and seeing him like that, I was so stressed. While I made a living feeding the cows, he spent all the hard earned money for drinking and gambling. When he ran out of money he came back home and took all the money that I had saved. He changed his clothes and went out again, but I couldn’t say anything. Once, when I asked him “Would you please stop doing that?” he became irate and he started to throw away all the stuff in the room. Since then, I just say yes.
Even though I could not be educated, I wanted my children to get an education, so I tried hard to make money. At that time, I started selling my own crafts like television covers and phone stands. I cut the fabric, made the crafts, ironed it and then gave it to the local stores. Even if I got so tired that I wanted to faint on the street, I did not stop working. I was a workaholic in my town. While doing business I even suffered a lot of humiliation, but endured all because of my children.
I thought I was not well-born, because of this I have never been angry with anyone in my entire life nor ever refused to do anyone a favor. My life was very hard. I always asked myself, “Why am I born in this world? Why do I suffer from my life, especially because of my husband?” On the outside I served him with great care, but inside I had a deep hatred in my heart towards him. I really wanted to get rid of these minds and I did not want to be born like this for the next life. Then, in the year 2000, I started this meditation.
I meditated so hard after hearing that anyone can do it because the answer is inside
I wondered if I could practice this meditation so I asked my guide, “Can I follow this meditation since I am not educated?” Then he said, “Because the answer is in oneself, it is a study that anyone can do.” The words he said touched my heart and I believed him 100% so I started to meditate very hard.
First, my guide told me to throw away everything I saw, heard, and experienced. I felt so good that I was finally able to abandon this false me. I always wanted to disappear. I liked this meditation method so much that I meditated almost 14 hours a day. Raising my children, feeling inferior while doing my business, the difficulties because of my husband— I tried diligently to throw these things away. One day when I completely disappeared I felt I wasn’t there, but at the same time, I became enlightened, that this universe is me. That enlightenment came to me by itself, I felt like I was dreaming for a while. It was so exciting and fun to know that I laughed.
At every level of meditation, I threw away my false self until it disappeared completely. When I practiced the third level, I could feel that my consciousness had expanded and at the same time I experienced that the universe entered my mind. When my ego disappeared, the universe was within me. I had never learned anything like this, it was too good a feeling to explain. At one point my guide said, ‘Go forward into the universe as far as you can in your mind.’’ I thought of long ago in the countryside when I would lie down on the ground and look at the sky and see a shooting star. Just like that, all night long, I just kept shooting through the universe like a star. There is never an end even if I go up all night. Conversely, there is no end to go down or go up. ‘Ah, there is no end, this universe emptiness is endless.
How could someone like me, who was not well born, come to find this meditation. I just feel grateful
As I continued to study, one day, I became one with the universe emptiness and there was nothing that was not me. It was so obvious. My mind came to know that, “Ah, it’s living forever with my own body and mind.” Wow~ That’s great. This feeling was unbelievable. How could someone like me ever meet this meditation and study? I had so much gratitude, tears poured out. Maybe the reason I had lived such a hard life was to bring me to study this meditation.
I also found that it’s all my fault that I hated my husband. It was just my karma that I met that person in this life. I hated him because I put it in my mind and resented him. My husband was very sick for a long time and I had to take care of him with everything because he couldn’t move. He then died in 2002.
There is nothing in this world that is not my fault. When I understood this, I couldn’t blame anybody anymore. If you know that everything is your fault and throw your mind away diligently, you can be full of happiness within.
I lived my whole life wanting to die because I was so afflicted and distressed. Now that I study this meditation, I have no worries. I am so happy now. Of course, there were times when I was happy in my life, like when my children went to college, when they started their careers, when they married, and also whenever I saw my grandchildren. That was only momentary happiness though. After a while, I would worry again; what if my grandchildren have problems and such thoughts. However, now, since I have let go of all the attachments to my children and grandchildren I always feel so comfortable. I am able to live with great freedom and liberation, nothing could be better than this. This meditation is an amazingly good program beyond words of praise. Everyone should know about this meditation. If you become your True self everything becomes so clear.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
