Kang Yoon Sook / Teacher
I am a teacher who teaches Korean in middle school. They say these days, children don’t listen. Then, how was I when I was in school? I was a model student. The teachers thought I was very cute. But when I saw the scene inside my heart while meditating, I wondered if there was a student who was more selfish than me. I was a student who pretended to listen to the teacher, but I ignored the teachers hiding different kinds of inside of my mind.
I thought I was the best person in the world
I was the only one who was good, and I ignored my friends. Maybe that’s why I didn’t have many friends. I guess my friends knew what I was thinking when I sat there with a good face and ignored my friends on the inside.
In fact, when I was growing up, and I was praised by adults and teachers, and I was told by my parents that I was good at studying, I thought I was the best in the world.
Even in college, I was proud that I was living my life deeper than my friends, and I was living it truthfully. It was like that when I became a middle school teacher. The other teachers didn’t show what I thought was the “right look.” More and more, I had a lot of friction with other teachers. Nothing serious happened, but they always felt uncomfortable with me and we felt unhappy with each other. I thought the students didn’t accept my true feelings. It was repugnant.
I was always great, and my marriage was very difficult because I was the only one who thought I was right. I was annoyed at the fact that my mother-in-law and my husband, who had promised me to live a life of truth and equality, did not seem to want to go anywhere. My annoyance was directed to our children. One day, “Mommy, don’t yell at me. I’m scared!” begged the eldest daughter.
My husband, my mother-in-law’s true self when I abandoned my self-centered mind
I had a mind training meditation session with the introduction of fellow teachers. For many days, as I looked into my life and my heart, I shed tears of deep remorse. As I wrestled with my heart, I threw them away one by one.
And I kept bringing up everyone around me, my family, my husband, my daughters, my in-laws, my friends, my students and my teachers and I felt that I was really ’wrong.’
After I finished the meditation training for teachers program, I had less and less clashes with people. Every evening, I gave up my minds as I looked back at myself that day. Now I throw them away every minute. Life was so pleasant. I am happy and happy to be with my family at home. When I come to school, I enjoy the day talking with students and teachers. I thought about what made me like this. Then I realized it’s because the “expectation” for others in my mind was greatly lessened.
In the past, I wanted a lot from my husband, my children, and my students. It was all good from my point of view, thinking it was right. When I threw away my own minds, I recognized that my husband was a very warm man. He was a really “good husband” who thought of me more than his self. My mother-in-law was a devoted person who sacrificed most of her life to prevent her daughter-in-law from suffering. The children were the ones heaven sent to enjoy the happiness of life together. They were no longer the objects of educating what was right.
Have I changed? Have the children changed?
In the past, I often bumped into my senior manager. I thought they were forcing me to do many things that were not educational. The teachers around me were also very uncomfortable. Now I am a fan of all teachers I meet at school. It is admirable to see them live and educate so diligently. I enjoy spending time talking about this and that with the teachers.
It’s the morning reading class in the first period of middle school. I looked at the children while I was reading a book. These children are really open-minded. If I know any of their minds, they open their hearts towards me and wait for me. Then they become friends with me soon.
The children look at me with their eyes hoping for me to remind them of their infinite possibilities. I used to be a teacher who knew much more about the shortcomings than the merits of a student. Before, in my classroom there were only students who didn’t have any virtues even if I tried to wash out my eyes and search . Did I change or did the students change? The answer was so clear.
I am now teaching students who have many more advantages than disadvantages. And I am so thankful that I have shared my heart with so many children through the space we call school. The people around me have been next to me with beautiful ties from the very beginning. I am grateful to the training of the mind meditation for allowing me to know it.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
