Seungja Yoo / Housewife
My oldest son had a lot of inferiority and was negative about everything. He wasn’t confident and did not get along well with his friends. I didn’t want to see him like that so I told him to square his shoulders and live proudly. Although he answered, “I understand,” his behavior didn’t change. In middle school his homeroom teacher told me that he needed someone to talk to, that he seemed to be very anxious and frustrated. After that I tried to have a conversation with him, but he didn’t open up to me.
Lacking confidence and living with anxiety, my child is the same as I was when I was young
Why is he like that? When I was struggling with having children who did not meet my expectations, I began this meditation. At that time, my oldest son was in 8th grade and my little boy was in the fourth grade of elementary school. While meditating and discarding the pictures in my mind, I became amazed. My son was the same as I was when I was a child.
My parents were stingy with praise and they were very strict when I did wrong. I felt timid all the time. I was scared, nervous, and anxious wherever I went, and I was lacking confidence. Even when I met people, I was anxious and wondered if they would like me. I was afraid to go to school and afraid to be around groups.
My child was repeating my life. I had made it that way. I was unhappy with my own parents who were very strict, but I became the same as them. I always demanded coldly, “You just have to do what I tell you to do.” Especially with my oldest, it was my inferiority. I wanted them to be strong, confident, well-studied, good, and polite. He was tutored in science, reading, essay writing, English…everything. I never listened to his opinion and I managed his entire schedule. I wanted to show off by making a smart son. The wall between my children and me only grew higher.
Parents should reflect on what kind of mind they are planting in their children
After meditating, I realized that I never really loved my children, even if I had said that I loved them. I forced them to only do what I wanted. I sincerely apologized to my children, “I was wrong. Because of me, it must have been very difficult for you.” Then they cried. I felt so sorry. I recommended the Ma-Eum Su-Ryun Youth Camp to them in the hope that I would not pass on any more of my negative mind to them.
I wanted them to get out of their mind world as soon as possible. They learned to throw away their minds and changed little by little. A child who was passive and negative turned into a child who is cheerful, positive, sincere, and has a warm mind. After meditation my son said, “My friends didn’t bully me, but I didn’t get along with them because of my inferiority. It stopped being hard for me to get along with them because I threw away that mind.” He said that he was able to throw away his twisted mind that he had toward his friends and could treat them nicely now.
After this meditation, I let them solve their own problems. I thought it was love to manage his schedule, however it was my greed. I had wanted to make them into the children that I wanted. After meditation, my children take good care of themselves. My oldest son’s habit of daydreaming has disappeared and his concentration has improved, so his grades have really improved. He was also accepted into a university that he had never dreamt of going to before. Now, my son and I talk like friends. He sometimes shows great maturity even when myself or my husband have done something wrong, he tries to accept and understand.
If you feel that your child has a problem, I would like to tell you to reflect on yourself rather than trying to change them. You have to see what kind of mind you have planted in your child. If you want to improve your child’s interpersonal skills, you must first have a big and empty mind. Do not force or obsess over your child, but respect and love them as they are.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
