Yeonhee Hong / College student

Right around the time I started middle school, my father began having financial problems and the family situation suddenly became difficult. The calm atmosphere of the household immediately changed. Luckily, our money problems weren’t so bad that we had to live on the streets, but we did had to move to a smaller house. My father’s new job entailed travel and he was rarely home as a result. I didn’t like my father’s curt style before, but now I hated my dad for making my family’s life more difficult.

It’s All Because of My Father: I Was Ashamed of My Father and My Home

My family’s life became so hard and my parents often fought. I blamed my father for our family problems. Sometimes, when my dad came home, there was no conversation between us, as if he weren’t even there. My father always blamed himself for all of our problems, so he was always dark and negative. I felt sorry for his skinny appearance, but I was busy paying attention to my pride. It was too embarrassing and upsetting to tell my friends about my home life situation.

When I was with my dad, I reacted negatively to anything he would say. Even while eating, I was irritated by the quarrels between my mom and dad. I would go to my room and close the door. When I was in high school, my dad started meditating at the recommendation of one of our relatives. After my dad had been meditating for 6 months, I immediately noticed his bright face. He quietly did household chores like cleaning, laundry and washing dishes. He thoroughly took care of our family. He seemed to be more comfortable for some reason. I felt that he had turned a corner.

Meditation Broke Down the Walls in My Family, Now I Understand My Dad

He didn’t have to say anything; my father’s new found comfort somehow brought stability to the whole family. After that, all of my family started meditating. My mother, who had to watch her husband struggle for so long, must have also struggled even if she didn’t express it. My eldest sister must have been burdened as well. However, after doing this meditation, it seemed that the walls we had between us in our minds were breaking down.

While meditating I also came to understand my father better. He might have struggled because he lost his hard-earned money in an instant from co-signing a loan. And he must have worried about his family suffering. When I began to understand this about him, I was so sorry that I cried. When he was alone and going through his most difficult time, I was annoyed and acted impatiently. My father’s words had gone in one ear and out the other and I pretended not to hear him. I was ashamed of myself for being embarrassed of my father who had devoted his whole life to his family.

No Matter How Hard Things Are, My Dad Always Smiles

My dad drives a taxi now. He doesn’t rest even though he has bad hips. For us, he works 24 hours straight, from 6am to 6am the next morning. Even if he stops by the house for a meal, he has fun and doesn’t show any signs of hardship. When he has a spare moment, he does household chores like washing dishes and cleaning. When I saw that, I thought, “Wow! He really is a great father.”

My mother is also surprised when she sees her husband and says, “Because he has only worked in a company, it must be so hard for him to drive a taxi like this.” Dad always accepts everything that I do these days. I feel so much respect and gratitude towards my father who has become so friendly and reassuring. “Dad, our family was very blessed to find meditation, right? You always smile and watch over us in spite of your hard work. Thank you so much. Let’s always live happily. I love you.”

Source: www.meditationlife.org