Songhee Park
Level 7 / Hakseong Meditation Center, Ulsan, Korea
Written in Oct 28, 2015
I was seven years old. I suddenly began to wonder who I was and where I came from, and what would happen to me if I were to die. I lived like that, continually wondering all of a sudden about these questions. Searching for happiness, I tried many things. As I wondered where happiness is, I studied really hard at work and was promoted at lightning speed. I wanted to teach my children how to live a happy life, but I wasn’t sure what a happy life specifically was. The moment I achieved a result after all my endeavoring, it felt great. But as time passed, that feeling would fade.
As I repeatedly lived life this way, one day I started to look for the answers to what I had been curious about. So in July of 2013, I took a leave from work, visited an organization, and practiced with them according to their method for roughly one month. At that time I was extremely curious about Who am I, what was the purpose of being born, what is it that I need to do, and what is it that I want to truly do? So I practiced very hard. However, I floundered in the notions and customs that I could not break free of. I cannot describe the pain I suffered at that time.
I was curious about where I would go if I died and that thought wouldn’t leave my head. I kept thinking that life is but a moment and I need to quickly find the answers before I die. As time passed, my body and mind were deteriorating and I thought death was the only way to be relieved. But at the same time, I thought, then what would be the meaning and purpose of it all?
Panic disorder, depression, helplessness, insomnia, etc., all the psychological disorders hit me at once. I thought I was going crazy. I tried taking medication and all kinds of things, but no matter what I tried, I couldn’t come out from the madness. While all this was happening, I went on the internet and looked up meditation. I went to the Ma-eum Soo-ryun homepage and while I was reading the writings and watching the video testimonials, something within my heart felt, “This is what I have been looking for.” That day, I went to the center nearest me and started.
The people at the center said after meditating for a month at my local center, I would be able to resolve my questions about life so I meditated all day long. I meditated while at work, after getting off work, while on the bus on my way. I threw away my minds so diligently I thought I would die. Then, one day, as I was throwing away my lived life while on the bus on the way to the meditation center, I felt a strange tremor in my heart and the world somehow appeared different.
Tears began to flow from my eyes, and the enlightenment that ‘the universe is me’ started to come. The began to feel that the whole world was me. I went to the local center crying like that. Deeply moved, I kept crying and feeling grateful as I continued to work with all my heart to get rid of the world I had accumulated thus far.
The meditation gave me a great gift, the size of as much as I had thrown away. What a miraculous thing it was. I had been living deceived, trapped in my mind. My events of my life were merely but a dream. Now I know who I am and how I should live. I am sincerely grateful to this meditation method.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
