Junghyun Min / Housewife
After graduating from school, I started working in the financial sector. The salary was high, but it was a harsh environment. Employees’ work attitudes and performances were evaluated monthly and graded for all to see. I reconciled daily transactions until the last penny precisely, so I could always get recognition for my achievements. Pursuing perfection, I was always praised by one of my financial auditors who was known for being very strict. However, all of sudden, one day my chest became tight, I was having trouble breathing, and my limbs became stiff.
Responsibility + Stress + Perfectionism = Panic Disorder
When I experienced a panic attack, it was so severe, I would become paralyzed. Though I was paralyzed physically, in my mind it was quite clear that I was dying.
When I was in that condition, my thoughts of dying got stronger and my breath became shallow. I was taken to the emergency room to subdue the crisis. But, after this incident, every time I was a little stressed, I had difficulty breathing and my senses became sensitive. My nerves only became worsened as I feared I had a serious problem.
I was married to a very nice man. We appeared to have a very happy life even though I was often weak and sickened by even small physical activities. I was so weak, I actually lived with a cold for more than 6 months. That only increased my awareness that my body and physical condition were a problem.
I treated my body as good as gold. When I was tired and exhausted, I would hyperventilate. That scared me and would lead to another vicious panic attack. After struggling with this condition for more than two years, I started to meditate at the recommendation of an acquaintance of mine.
I was the eldest daughter of a financially struggling family and always lived with a sense of responsibility and pressure from a very young age. Because I was a perfectionist, I looked at the world with my standards and tried to fit people into my framework. I had to do everything well to hide my feelings of inferiority. I knew that such thoughts and minds had limited me quite a bit. It was not strange that my stress was bound to be severe.
Stress is something I created
As I meditated, I realized that it was all due to my narrow mindset. By abandoning my narrow frame of mind, my greed and resentment toward the world, I found that I had been the one creating my stress. It didn’t exist originally. When I truly realized this fact, my hyperventilating symptoms gradually disappeared.
Now, even if I move around from 6am to 10pm without rest, my physical strength has improved so that I can wake up the next morning easily. I really know that every problem comes from the mind.
When I hear through media that celebrities often suffer from panic disorder, I feel sorry that they don’t know about this meditation which could help them get rid of it in a few months.
Panic disorder is a symptom that can appear in anyone. I think it is important to look into your inner mind first and eliminate the underlying fear and anxiety to get over this condition.
I was pregnant and I thought it was difficult, but now I live with gratitude for my lovely son, who is now 17 months old. My husband now encourages me to continue meditation. It seems that it is a miracle in a world where I am able to enjoy this overwhelming happiness.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
