Jae-il Yang / Manager of K Bank Main Branch
The impact of the IMF crisis in the late 1990’s was huge. Thirty percent of our company’s total employees were laid off and many of our colleagues who worked at the branches were forced to leave en masse. There were those who departed, and then those who still remained. I belonged to the group of remaining employees. However, even though I felt relief and gratitude that I was chosen to stay, I felt left behind. What meaning is there if I am a disposable employee, capable of getting fired at any time regardless of my will or hard work? It felt like a hollow life, but it was clear that I should no longer repeat the life I had lived until now. I had to change.
A career in which I have acquired ten or more licenses but still only gained futility
First of all, I wanted to develop a sense of reality about how the rapidly changing world worked. In order to improve my ability to work, I worked hard on acquiring professional certificates related to banking as well as studying English. Thanks to my effort I have earned more than ten certificates, and the human resources officer told me, “I don’t think you have any more licenses to get.”
At 8 a.m., I was the first to work, and I ran to answer a call from a customer. I didn’t wait for customers to come to me, rather I made the visit to them. I also didn’t hesitate to work on Saturdays or Sundays. As a result of doing so, my desk phone was on fire all day. The amount of deposits I collected more than doubled as well. I gained confidence in my performance, and at one point, I achieved my goal whenever I wanted to. I was just thrilled.
But the problem started from that point onwards. In my eyes, the attitudes of my subordinates was becoming more and more irritating. They just said, “I’ll work nine to six, thank you.” Watching those employees leave work made me unhappy. It was incomprehensible to me, who would return to work even during the holidays if a customer needed to come in. There was no one I liked. “Why is it so poor?” I scolded the staff. The complaints started to grow among my staff. Customers lined up in front of my desk, but things got tougher and tougher because I didn’t get along with the staff. As the stress built up, the futility of working life also reared its head. Even if the goal was achieved, I felt nothing. I felt like I had become a money-making machine with no reason or purpose. I tried to find the meaning by motivating myself, but it wasn’t fun at all.
Doing my best for my sake only made it hard for everyone else
“It shouldn’t be like this. I didn’t come to work to do this. Why am I living like this?” Seeing my poor face, the bank’s security guard gave me a meditation booklet, which had the phrase, “You can throw away your minds,” and that really touched my heart.
So for the first time, I came face to face with myself. I was struggling to keep up. I was sad and bitter. I was scared and anxious that I was getting older. What happens when I get fired? How would people see me then?’ I was under pressure to do better than others. I accused employees for only thinking about themselves. But when I looked back, I was the only one who was thinking about myself. I thought I returned to work during the holidays for the customer’s sake, but in the end, it was really for me.
Performance was reputation and my pride. I recollected the faces of every employee to whom I pushed and said, “If I set a goal and you follow, you have met the standard and you have done well. But if you fail to meet it, it means you are aren’t capable.” I said I did my best, but it was only for me. The employees were just my victims that I used to satiate my greed. What on earth did I do? My head was spinning.
I tried to drag them up to meet my standards like I was dragging the reins of cows, so I had no choice but to be hard. I was covered with countless fetters thinking, ‘I must live like this’. Even my child had to do well, and I had to be promoted so that I wouldn’t be embarrassed in front of my school peers. The same was true of retirement. I was afraid of being thrown into an unfamiliar world, wanting to hold on to my titles such as “Thirty years in the workplace” and “branch manager”. People around me were already deeply hurt while I struggled to make a better living.
An always vivacious work life. Now I finally feel like I got the right certificate
Actually, I was the one who made others struggle. I felt so sorry. As soon as I became free from the yoke of my mind, I could gradually see the people around me. If the world I saw by my yardstick was full of discontent, then the world where I had escaped from myself was a proper, warm world that took me in and protected me. I was grateful for every single thing. My children who were growing well, my wife who would cook bean paste soup for me, the staff who worked together with me. They now look different. I have come to appreciate the reason and value of being at work, and I have lessened my force and demand for things to be my own way.
I listen to the opinions of the employees a lot and try to respect them. If I think they have forgotten what to do, I send them a message, offer them a good idea if I have one, and help them use their abilities. Just by changing the way I smile more often, now the employees work much harder than before. As a result, our branch received a very high score in the customer satisfaction assessment. When I worked with greed, it was difficult even though I didn’t accomplish anything. Now, even though I accomplish a lot, I always have great energy and joy.
I have erased the line I had personally and countlessly drawn, and I cannot describe with words how liberating and joyful it is. My upcoming retirement is no longer a concern for me. Rather, I have high expectations that it will be a second starting point in my life so that I can live a new life that I have never lived before. Now I feel like I’ve received a proper license. Emptying your mind and living as truth is the best license that anyone could possibly get in life.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
