Hee Sun Chang (49 yrs old)
Level 1 / Chungjoo, Chungbook, Korea
Written in Jul 17, 2014
My mind and heart always felt complicated. I thought that I had lived my life diligently, but one day as I reflected on my life, I felt depressed because I realized I had grown old without obtaining anything.
To relieve my sadness, I got double eyelid surgery. I was waiting for the wounds to heal thinking I would be pretty shortly afterwards, but no matter how long I waited: one month, two months, three months, four months and five months, the stabbing pain in my eyes didn’t disappear. The outcome of the surgery that was supposed to relieve my depression made me sink into a deeper depression.
Under extreme stress, I visited various psychiatry and ophthalmology hospitals, but all of it was no use. I didn’t want to carry on living any longer, so I decided to die.
But when I thought about the pain my children would have to suffer after I was dead, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.
As I saw my face that had suddenly grown older, and felt the suffering that remained unchanged, I wondered how long I had to live. Then I thought that I wanted to kill the doctor. While I was searching for something on Google, I happened to come across the meditation. Should I go or not go? I hesitated, but I decided to go and register at the center on a Saturday. I worried, “How will I be able to spend a week here?” So I thought I’ll give myself just two days and then go home.
However, as I meditated, and as day by day passed, I was finally able to bring up a lot of my pictures of hurt. And then the tears poured out. Thursday evening I finally enlightened all of that. I was so happy. Friday. The pain in my eyes was getting better. When I think of how I would have continued to live on depressed… I am so happy to know how I should live going forward.
Thank you so much to the meditation helpers. I look forward to level 2.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
