Seonghee Jang / Housewife
After graduating from high school, I jumped into the workforce. At the age of 25 I got married. My husband worked at a company but his salary was negligible, so I had a lot of stress trying to live within our budget. Our children had a lot of after school activities that were costing us money. I wanted to be able to offer them everything but I felt bad because our household budget was tight. My home, neighborhood, car, husband’s job, all of these things weren’t as good as I wanted, so my pride was crushed when I went to my class reunion. My husband seemed incompetent to me.
Always lacking money, financial stress created depression
I was worried about every single penny. I wore worn-out underwear and I squeezed out the toothpaste to the very end of the tube. So when my husband grumbled at me to buy something new, I felt bitter. I also felt inferior. Money stress had turned into depression. I hated going out. I didn’t want to meet people. I felt irritated and nervous and it was wearing me down.
About that time, I started this meditation. As I threw away the stress I had about money, I could see that it had been built up from a long time ago when I visited a really rich family and saw how they lived. As a child, I listened to my parents’ conversations as they longed to be rich. Also, my teachers always seemed to favor the rich kids in class. It hurt. I was envious of my friends who drove to school in their own car and who traveled abroad. The mind that was hiding deeper was also revealed. I was not just envious, but I was jealous. I ignored them, regarding them as new money. I treated them as snobs, I was pretending to be noble.
The end of misfortune begins with happiness
I had a lot of inferiority and I thought that having more money would make that inferiority go away. The only way to make myself feel more secure was to show off how much I had, so it became difficult when there was nothing to show. Inferiority, pride, envy, jealousy, ignoring, constantly pretending… All of my thoughts and feelings were related to money.
Some might say that it’s like that for everyone. But after I started meditating, it wasn’t like that at all. I realized that the true human mind wasn’t lacking anything. I always felt like I was lacking money because of the thoughts I’d formed in my mind. Not having enough money just didn’t meet my own standards. I realized that it was a fake mind that was created by me and there was no such thing in the true mind originally. To express my before and after meditation results: in short, the end of misfortune begins with happiness.
Now I am really grateful to my husband on his payday. I now understand how hard he works. Previously, when I thought something was good for the kids, I tried to do it no matter what. Now, if the children don’t want it, I’m not greedy and don’t force it. I don’t compare myself to others as much, so it’s much easier for me to meet new people. Now I can let go of all of my inferiority or superiority, so my stress naturally disappears. Actually, there is no sin in wanting money. “My idea” of money was the problem.
Source: www.meditationlife.org
